Life has been so busy over the past few months. There just hasn't been time to really stop and enjoy myself in a casual, lazy day. Even more difficult, the thought of extending that day into a whole weekend seemed almost impossible in between all of the things that have to get done at any given moment in my schedule. And also, to be quite honest, I have spent the better part of the last year fighting with myself over the need to be doing something, anything, with people other than just with myself. It's a lonely issue I'm working on and if the past two weeks are any clue I'm getting much better about conquering this somewhat new fear of spending time alone. Over the last couple of weekends I have managed to spend a little me time rediscovering all of the things I enjoy: Streisand music in the CD player, hot tea and toast with expensively indulgent jam, strolling around cute stores with an ice coffee flavored with a touch of vanilla, watching movies curled up on the couch, catching up on the stack of Bon Appetit magazines I have laying on the floor by my bed. I've even started running on a somewhat regular basis. (That I do with a partner, the accountability issue is key to maintaining a schedule I have decided.) I think it may have something to do with the fact that since work has picked up I'm back on a schedule, a busy schedule, but one nonetheless. And something about that regular pattern of how my days are mapped out leaves me with a need to really relax and recover when I have down time. I want to fill that time with the things I like to do, that make me feel like I am nourishing myself in really good and positive ways and lately, just by taking advantage of all of those things I love I feel so much better.
It's so cliche but it is truly funny how a little time spent doing the things one likes to do can change ones entire demeanor.