Today's Topic: Squirrels

Not just any squirrels, but black squirrels. Yup, you heard correctly, black squirrels. In all of my life and all of the squirrels that have crossed my path, never have I seen a black squirrel. Suddenly, in New York City they are everywhere. Now these aren't just any squirrels, not your typical, playful breed of chocolate brown ones that run around frantically collecting nuts. No, no, I am talking about a new breed of squirrel that I have stumbled upon. The black squirrel is friendly, to a point, but carries with it a certian edge unlike most squirrels. On more than one occasion, I have seen a black squirrel run up to a traditional brown squirrel and snatch his nut. The brown squirrel in question never puts up a fight but gladly gives up his hard fought-for nut and walks away to search for other nuts. I have even been approached by one of these black squirrels who proceeded to walk right up to me, stand on his hind legs and look at me like I was short, as if to say "this is my turf punk, I run the nuts around here, so back up!"

Now I would be lying if I told you that I wasn't just a little bit afraid of these squirrels. They are like a little gang of unloved, neglected, fighting squirrels and I worry that, at any minute, they could surround me ready to throw down. I guess that is why the NYU folks are always telling you to go out with friends in New York, so that if you are ever surrounded by these little creatures, one of you can run for help while the other is being brutally attacked. I think that as long as I don't make eye contact I'll be okay. But if push comes to shove, I'm ot afraid to kick a squirrel!