My mother called this morning, as she usually does. We always talk on Sunday mornings while I am still lounging in bed drooling over the Food Network cooking shows and she in inevitably making breakfast for my three year old niece who usually moves in to Grandma's on the weekends. Our talks are always long ramblings about nothing important, just catching up on what has happened since we last talked (usually Wednesday night, hump day equals mom day). Our conversations are allows slow and easy with huge bouts of laughter intermixed. We try and keep it pretty light, I divulge any good news and keep the negative aspects of life in New York to myself, she doesn't need to know anyway. She does the same, bad news is usually shared towards the end and we work through it. The one thing that is funny about my mom is the way in which she brings up touchy topics. We are both very good at playing the game, letting the moment unfold in time. She always tells me that she "had something to ask or tell me, but forgot." I always reply, "not to worry, you'll remember." And she always does. This morning's conversation unfolded like this:

Mom: Well, you know how Charlotte at work has gone back to school to get her Master's degree? Well, I can't remember what she is studying, but we were talking about what you study, and I told her Afro-American something-or-other. And, well she just was curious about it and had some questions. But then, well, she asked me what you guys (meaning my brothers and me) considered yourselves to be. You know, since you are studying Black people but you were raised by me (my mother is Hispanic) and she just wondered what you guys considered yourself. I mean, you were raised with me and our family and I know you are aware of that but she was just curious and, well, so was I.
Me: Well mom, it's simple, and not, all at the same time. I mean, I know who I am and what I feel and believe. I know that I am both, but the world sees me as one thing, as black , and the boys too. So I guess that's why I study it. Becuase it's all about illusion and false ideas and what people think just from what they see on tv or read or hear. I mean, the people who know me, know who I am and what I come from, but when people meet me for the first time or hear my name, they think I am Black. So outside of our family that's how I have to live my life.
Mom: That's true, maybe I should have named you Margarita!
Me: That's why it's so important for me to study black culture and media and struggle with understanding how people form their ideas. Because everyday I have to deal with people who's ideas are wrong, and I want to make it right. It's hard, but I've done it my whole life, educated people by being who I am. It's just now, I can talk about it in a way that still amazes me. That's why I want to educate people about difference and false ideas, it's who I am, who I'll always be.
Mom: That's going to be so helpful for you, when you speak to people in your job someday. You have your life to use, to help people understand, because it is so misunderstood and people don't get it. They don't understand that what they think may be wrong. And you can change that. I think that's great.

My mom never ceases to amaze me. She was so worried about me coming here and studying something that didn't seem tangible, something sort of out there. I think she ges it now, that this grad school thing isn't just about getting a better job. It's about getting a better me, a better understanding of who I am and how I have become that person. I think that me leaving and doing what I am now has helped us both, in ways I never even imagined it could.