Creating Boundaries vs. Building Walls: A Progress Report On Doing the Work
A few months ago I posted this entry to the internet about my decision to start doing the work, to begin making changes, to start being about it and not just talking about it. I wrote that entry right after my birthday. Four months later I feel like I should offer an update.

I started doing the work. I discuss the work in scheduled appointments on a weekly basis. I do the work daily. Some days and weeks are obviously better than others but in just a few short months I feel like I am able to better recognize, understand and evaluate my feelings, my thoughts and my relationships. And it is, for the most part, a blessing. I feel more aware, more aware of all of the things in my life that influence the person I have become and the person I am becoming.

I had a recent conversation on one of my discussion days about the difference between setting personal boundaries in my relationships and building walls. The former allows for people to get close, but not in a way that is harmful to my feelings. The latter forces people to do the work to reach the reward, the reward being me, and while some are willing to fight that fight, I may be missing out on so much because my self-created walls are keeping people away. The same holds true for the people in my life. I am learning to distinguish between their boundaries and their walls because we all have them, both of them. And it is important to understand that, to not allow oneself to become overwhelmed because our boundaries are too relaxed and also not to become too isolated because the walls we have built around ourselves are so tall. It might be one of those things that to some seems so simple but it really makes me think about how I am choosing to relate to others and the image of myself that I am presenting to those around me.

I have realized that in my life I have spent so much time and energy on wanting people to like me, appreciate me, value me, that I often allow people to overstep the boundaries that keep me protected. Yet at the same time I have built walls that keep people out when really it would be so much better for me to let them in, at least a little. Through all of this I have realized that everyone's boundaries are different and it isn't my issue if someone chooses to protect themselves in a way that maybe I don't understand. I am learning to be more careful and considerate in my relationships while learning to better navigate the boundaries and walls of those around me.

All of that to say that the work, the daily task of checking in with myself to make sure I am okay, while it runs the gamut from scary to uplifting, from challenging to eye-opening, so far it's worth the trouble.