A Rose In Bloom

Better than I could be. Not as good as I’d planned.

Thursday, December 28, 2006

Holiday Shakedown
It all seemed to go by so fast, the Christmas part of the holiday did at least. And I am almost certain that the New Year part will be just as speedy with its attack. I've been enjoying my time away from work with lots of family time, lots of movies, lots of shopping and lots of eating. All things that make for a great holiday.

I started the holiday season with the gift of giving, and not just in the form of presents but in the form of a party.
My annual holiday party was a great excuse to put on a fancy dress and entertain. I made lots of yummy food and brought in plenty of booze for about twenty people of whom I have the great honor of calling my friends. Everyone looked amazing and it was such a fun way to really jumpstart the holiday season.

This holiday season also marked a first for me. The first time I have ever made one of these:

My boss and I figured it would be a great way to celebrate our last day of work. We sculpted it with yummy icing, candy dots and sprinkles. Our hands were sticky and I think we giggled through the whole thing. When we were done we showed everyone at the office what we had made, just as proud as we could be! My family thought it was pretty cute and it proved to be the perfect centerpiece for my family's holiday table. I'm telling you, making this gingerbread house was the funnest crafty thing I have done in a very long time. I can't believe I went all of these years without making one but I definitely think it will become part of my holiday tradition.

I hope your holiday season has been just as great!

Monday, December 11, 2006

Inbox Pick Me-Up

This was attached to the end of an e-mail I received at work today:

If nobody told you today, you do a really good job at your job. Thanks.

Sometimes, that's really all it takes to brighten up my day.

Thursday, December 07, 2006

Creating Boundaries vs. Building Walls: A Progress Report On Doing the Work
A few months ago I posted this entry to the internet about my decision to start doing the work, to begin making changes, to start being about it and not just talking about it. I wrote that entry right after my birthday. Four months later I feel like I should offer an update.

I started doing the work. I discuss the work in scheduled appointments on a weekly basis. I do the work daily. Some days and weeks are obviously better than others but in just a few short months I feel like I am able to better recognize, understand and evaluate my feelings, my thoughts and my relationships. And it is, for the most part, a blessing. I feel more aware, more aware of all of the things in my life that influence the person I have become and the person I am becoming.

I had a recent conversation on one of my discussion days about the difference between setting personal boundaries in my relationships and building walls. The former allows for people to get close, but not in a way that is harmful to my feelings. The latter forces people to do the work to reach the reward, the reward being me, and while some are willing to fight that fight, I may be missing out on so much because my self-created walls are keeping people away. The same holds true for the people in my life. I am learning to distinguish between their boundaries and their walls because we all have them, both of them. And it is important to understand that, to not allow oneself to become overwhelmed because our boundaries are too relaxed and also not to become too isolated because the walls we have built around ourselves are so tall. It might be one of those things that to some seems so simple but it really makes me think about how I am choosing to relate to others and the image of myself that I am presenting to those around me.

I have realized that in my life I have spent so much time and energy on wanting people to like me, appreciate me, value me, that I often allow people to overstep the boundaries that keep me protected. Yet at the same time I have built walls that keep people out when really it would be so much better for me to let them in, at least a little. Through all of this I have realized that everyone's boundaries are different and it isn't my issue if someone chooses to protect themselves in a way that maybe I don't understand. I am learning to be more careful and considerate in my relationships while learning to better navigate the boundaries and walls of those around me.

All of that to say that the work, the daily task of checking in with myself to make sure I am okay, while it runs the gamut from scary to uplifting, from challenging to eye-opening, so far it's worth the trouble.